


we're not who we used to be

by justaleapoffaith



Series: after the war is over [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Episode: s05e14 The Devil Complex, Fluff, Gen, Minor Angst, Post-Finale, but before the time skip, gonna be referencing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:41:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26344285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justaleapoffaith/pseuds/justaleapoffaith
Summary: “We’re not as close as we used to be, are we?”And there it was – the million dollar question. Or maybe it was the question that leads to it. Either way, Daisy knew where this conversation was heading, and it did nothing to ease her anxiety.He didn’t know, did he?“No, we’re not.”She needed to tell him. She had to tell him.But he cut her to the chase.“I hurt you.”----Or, the FitzDaisy reconciliation that I desperately wanted to see in s7. Set post-finale but before the one year time skip.
Relationships: Leo Fitz & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Leo Fitz/Jemma Simmons, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Skye | Daisy Johnson & Agents of SHIELD Team, Skye | Daisy Johnson/Daniel Sousa
Series: after the war is over [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2001682
Comments: 24
Kudos: 232





	we're not who we used to be

**Author's Note:**

> We never actually got any solid Fitz/Daisy scenes after s5, especially nothing that addressed the trauma of 5x14 so...I wrote one. I miss these babies so damn much.
> 
> Also, this is my first fic ever and I really hope ya'll like it!

Daisy couldn’t sleep.

It had been two weeks since the team had defeated the chronicoms and reunited back at the lighthouse. Two weeks since she had nearly killed herself, her body limp and frozen and floating in space, and if Daisy was being completely honest, the chill that had settled into her bones then had still not gone away.

But mostly it was the quiet that scared her. They had no one left to fight, no big bad, no next mission. It was almost…peaceful. That was not something she was used to. She was used a racing heart and adrenaline pumping in her veins and broken bones from a fight. This peace, it wasn’t unwelcome, but that didn’t make her any less apprehensive.

Enoch’s last words kept playing over and over in her mind. _While your friends will indeed survive, the team will not._ Daisy could close her eyes and clench her fists and pretend that none of that was happening, act like it would all go away, but it was true, wasn’t it?

Fitz and Simmons were already looking for houses in Perthshire, wanting to give Alya a chance at a normal life. Daisy still couldn’t believe it; her best friends had a kid! Those two nerds she had met all those years ago, dressed in lab coats and goggles bickering from across the ends of a lab table like five year olds, had made a child – and she was incredible. She was a carbon copy of the young Fitz she had seen from his childhood photos - white-blonde hair and blue-grey eyes and a strong Scottish accent, with a fascination for the stars that she had gotten from her mother. She was happy for them, she really was. If anyone deserved a chance at a peaceful life, it was them. And they were staying at the base for a few more weeks to help tie up loose ends, but she couldn’t stop herself from wishing she had more time with them. More time with Fitz and Simmons to just talk without the worry of a mission looming over their heads. More time with her new niece who absolutely had Daisy wrapped around her little finger.

Coulson was planning on leaving too, taking a sabbatical to travel around the world, and May, while unsure of what was next for her, had been very clear she was done with the fighting and the field work. Daisy could feel her family slipping away. They were the closest thing she had to parents, and now she was running the risk of losing them too.

She had already almost lost them one too many times to count.

At least Mack and Yoyo were staying; she found some comfort in that. Mack still had his director duties to attend to and Yoyo did not plan on leaving his side. They were working on rounding up the remaining S.H.I.E.L.D agents, the ones that hadn’t already been taken out by Sarge or Izel or the chronicoms, that is. Piper planned on staying and helping with that too; and there had also been whispers and hushed conversations between her and Simmons about some reward, whatever that was about.

Kora had planned to stay too; training to become an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. May had been training her and Flint in her spare time, with Daisy occasionally popping in to help them practice their powers. Kora had a hard time settling in with the team initially, still weighed down by the guilt of what she had done by Malick’s side. But she was getting better, warming up to the team members, especially to May, which had come as a slight surprise. And she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t a little jealous at how quickly those two had become friends. Still, she and Kora were making a lot of progress, with the occasional bickering about who was older (to the annoyance of the rest of the team), and it was nice to see May take up the mentor role again. She had suggested it to her once, after an early morning spar session, that she should take on the mentor role full-time, for all the other agents to come.

She’d waved her off, muttering under her breath about not wanting to deal with any more kids, but Daisy had caught a small smile playing on the older woman’s lips. She secretly loved it.

And then there was Sousa. Dork supreme. The man most out of time. The one sleeping next to her right now, with his face pushed into the pillow and an arm loosely wrapped around her waist. It almost made her laugh, how quickly he had snuck up on her. They both had their own bunks, sure, but ever since they had come back to the lighthouse he had always ended up going to sleep by her side. It surprised her, the domesticity of it all, and how easily it had come to her, to both of them. She wasn’t too sure when it had started. Maybe it was waking up in the time loops and knowing that he would be there, asleep by her bedside in what had to be the world’s most uncomfortable chair. Or maybe it was after that, going to sleep by herself and realizing that she missed his presence, she missed the calm that washed over her when he was around. Or maybe it was that her usual nightmares had become a lot less frequent with him beside her. His steady breathing and the gentle rise and fall of his chest, it let her know he was there and she was safe. _She was home._

And on most nights, that was all it took to slowly lull her into a peaceful sleep. But tonight was not proving to be one of those nights. Unable to sleep and uncomfortable in the heavy silence of the night, Daisy decided to take a walk. She slowly lifted Sousa’s arm from around her, trying her best not to wake him, and got out of bed, padding her way across the room. Slipping out the door, she instantly regretted not wearing any footwear as her feet hit the cold hallway floor. Everyone else was asleep by now, so she tried her best not to make any noise as she navigated her way down the dimly lit hallway.

She ended up in the control room, perched in front of one of the monitors with her feet tucked under her and her head pressed back into the headrest. The soft glow of the lights and the occasional beeping of the monitors calmed her nerves, and she let out a breath she hadn’t even realized she was holding in. She wasn’t sure how long she had sat there alone, lost in her thoughts, but it might have been long enough for her to not have noticed the other figure that had made their way into the room. He must not have noticed her either because he made his way to the front of the room without looking at her once. Daisy, whose eyes had been fixed to the floor, almost jumped when she saw his long shadow move past her, but she relaxed considerably when she looked up and saw who it was.

Fitz.

He was wearing a baby blue cardigan and his hands were perched on top of the table, his head bent down. He looked almost…peaceful. For a second, Daisy got a glimpse of the old Fitz, the one she had met all those years ago on the Bus, before Ward had turned and hurt him in more ways than one. And God, she had missed Fitz. She hadn’t had much time to talk to him after he and Simmons had returned from space, and even now, after their mission was over, she hadn’t really gotten any time with him. The whole team had been busy with catching up over their missed years, and Fitz had of course, been busy with damage control and new tech and _Alya._ And if Daisy was being completely honest, she might have been avoiding him a little too. Because sometimes she looked at him and it brought up memories too painful to recount, events that she wasn’t even sure if he was yet aware of. She wasn’t sure how much Simmons had told him about the other Fitz, about what he had done. She wasn’t sure if she wanted her to.

But the longer she waited in her seat, the more awkward it got. She couldn’t run away forever.

“Hey”, she whispered, and almost instantly Fitz let out a loud yelp, whirling around to face her with a hand held over his heart. Daisy tried not to let out a laugh as she looked at his stricken face.

_Always a drama queen._

“Daisy”, he let out a gasp, dropping his hand and leaning back against the table, “what are you doing up so late?”

“I could ask you the same thing.”

“I just…I couldn’t sleep”, he said, running a hand through his hair.

“Figured putting Alya to sleep would’ve tired you out.” Even after two weeks, the little girl was still not used to being around so many people, or being in such a big base, for that matter. Trying to get her to stop running into the first unlocked room she could find was a feat on its own.

Fitz just shook his head, pulling up a chair to sit. “I’ve been doing it for the past three years, Dais. I think my body’s just become immune to sleep by now.”

Daisy let out a small laugh, one that Fitz returned. She fully turned to him now, pulling her knees up and wrapping her arms around them. “How’s the house hunt going?”

“It’s…going. We found a few nice cottages, might settle on one soon. Alya’s been talking about wanting a puppy so, now we have to take that into account.”

“I thought you’d argue for a monkey.”

“That would be impractical.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. He looked at her for a beat before averting his gaze to the floor.

“Simmons said no?”

“Simmons said no.”

“Yeah, that sounds about right”, she chuckled as Fitz shook his head, a laugh escaping from his lips. They sat like that for a while, in the comfortable silence, with their heads bent down and seats turned towards each other, before Daisy let out the question that had been nagging her mind.

“Do you ever miss it?”

He looked up at her, frowning. “Miss what?”

“The old days”, Daisy shrugged, “The bus? Our old work before shit hit the fan?”

Fitz looked down again, a small smile dancing on his lips, “Sometimes.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean, I’m happy where I am now, with Simmons and Alya and the rest of the team. Not a fan of how we got here but, you know…but yeah, I do miss it sometimes. We had a lot of fun.”

“We did.”

“Remember that week long prank war we had with May?”

“That was literally one of the scariest weeks of my life”, she replied, laughing, “Or when we had those horror movie nights and we had to sneak into Simmons’ room because we were too scared to sleep.”

“Oh God, don’t remind me”, he said, bringing his hands to his face, but he was laughing too, “She used to get so pissed.”

“Yeah, we were not quiet.”

They both had broken into a fit of laughter, and it was nice, spending time with him like this, joking around and laughing like they used to. She had missed it.

As their laughter died down, Fitz’s face turned solemn.

“We’re not as close as we used to be, are we?”

And there it was – the million dollar question. Or maybe it was the question that leads to it. Either way, Daisy knew where this conversation was heading, and it did nothing to ease her anxiety.

_He didn’t know, did he?_

“No, we’re not.”

_She needed to tell him. She had to tell him._

But he cut her to the chase.

“I hurt you.”

And there it was. Daisy inhaled sharply, turning her gaze to the ground and fiddling with her shirt sleeve. She could feel the scar on the back of her neck, the faint, thin line, and it took everything in her power to stop herself from running her fingers over it. She could feel Fitz staring at her, but she couldn’t look up at him. She knew she’d start crying if she did. The tears were already pricking her eyes. She knew he wasn’t _him_ , he wasn’t the Doctor, he wasn’t the man who had betrayed her, broke her trust, but she couldn’t look at him nevertheless.

“Daisy, I-”, he started, but she was already shaking her head. She didn’t need to hear it again; she didn’t need another person telling her that he had done what he did to her for a reason, that it had to be done. She couldn’t-

“-I’m so sorry.”

She tensed, her head jerking up to look at him. She hadn’t expected to hear that, especially from him. She hadn’t heard it at all after what had happened. She had stopped waiting for it at all. And now-

“I’m so sorry that he-that I did that to you. Jemma told me everything. You-you didn’t deserve any of that, Daisy. What I did was absolutely horrible and unfair to you.”

They looked at each other, and Daisy noticed there were tears in his eyes too. So she mustered up some courage to speak.

“It wasn’t you, you know. It was…the other version of you. He-he hurt me, not you. This isn’t on you.”

“I know”, he pressed his lips, “but that doesn’t mean you don’t need to hear it. Besides, I don’t think he ever said it.”

Daisy looked down again. Fitz’s words had lifted some of the weight in her chest, even if only a little. “No, no he didn’t.”

“I mean it though. I really am sorry; you shouldn’t have had to go through any of that”, he was getting up, as if to leave, but then he paused and turned back to her, “Can I ask you something?”

She wiped at her eyes furiously before she looked at him again. She didn’t know when the tears had started to fall. “What is it?”

“You- after everything that had happened you still came all the way across space with Simmons to find me. Why?”

She stared at him, unsure how to answer that question. What was she supposed to tell him? That after he died she didn’t know how to feel towards him, to hate him or to grieve him, and the pain was too much? That Simmons was left distraught and Mack had immersed himself deep into his director duties and she and Yoyo had fallen out and Deke had run away and she had never felt more alone in her life? That May and Coulson had gone away to Tahiti and three months later May had come back with a body bag and it had all been too much, too quickly. So she dyed her hair and ran away. Again.

“Because I missed you”, and she wasn’t lying when she said it, “I missed my best friend. I missed my brother. Everyone and everything was falling apart here and I realized that the only person I had ever talked to about stuff when it became like this was-was you. And so when I figured out there was a version of you, out in space, who was still _you_ , who was still my family, who need our saving? I got on that ship.”

A tear rolled down Fitz’s cheek, mirroring her state. She took a deep breath and continued.

“I know I said I would never forgive you. And to be honest, I don’t think I could ever forgive the other you, I don’t think I could ever forgive him. But you…what he did was not your fault. It’s on him and only him. And I want us to get back to how we used to be. God, Fitz, I really do.”

“But?”

“But…you still have his face, and his voice and most of his memories and…there’s going to be some days that might be harder than the rest. I really do want to get back, but it might take a while.”

She waited, anticipating his reaction, worried that he might just walk away. But he stayed rooted at his spot, looking at her with a small smile.

“I’m willing to wait. As long as it takes.”

She smiled back at him, and now she could feel the weight lifting itself off her chest.

Fitz lifted his hand, gesturing towards the exit. “I should um- I should probably get back”, he paused for a second, “Goodnight, Dais.”

“Yeah, goodnight.”

She watched him turn and walk away. For the first time in a long time, she had _hope_ – hope that she could actually get somewhere with Fitz. That she might have her brother back. He had just reached the stairs when she called out to him.

“Fitz!”

He turned to her, and before she herself could register what she was doing, she was out of her seat. Walking up to him, she threw her arms around him, pressing her face into his shoulder. _When did he get this tall?_

She could feel Fitz tense against her, before relaxing and melting into the embrace, wrapping his arms around her. This felt all too familiar, them hugging like this with her crying into his shoulder, and yet it was all so long ago.

_You’re just different now. There’s nothing wrong with that._

It was all the same, wasn’t it? Only this time, Fitz was crying a little, too. And maybe it wasn’t all so bad. Things changing. None of them were who they used to be, maybe they were changing for the better, and there was nothing wrong with that.

Daisy wiped of the last of her tears with the back of her hand.

“Sorry for ruining your cardigan”, she said, in an attempt to break the lingering silence, her voice muffled by his shoulder.

Fitz let out a soft laugh into her hair. “It’s okay. Alya’s got her fair share of tears and snot on it.”

Daisy let a chuckle escape her lips, pulling back to see Fitz smiling at her. She grinned back, and this time she knew the smile reached her eyes.

_Yeah, they were going to be okay_.

**Author's Note:**

> Give me a shout on tumblr (@justaleapoffaith) :)


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